I'm taking a different approach with this post, and perhaps some others in the future. I've decided this time to express some of my thoughts in poetry, or in this case what might be termed "free verse". That is, I like to write sometimes in a way that doesn't necessarily have the rhyme or tempo of traditional poetry, although there are hints of them here and there.
I've found this to be an extremely effective way to basically throw some of my thoughts into words when I'm having a time of intense or abundant thought - when I can just close my eyes and type them out at break-neck speed (in my case around 70 words per minute) and not worry about making complete sentences.
For future reference, any post that I write in poetry will have the title IN BOLD LETTERING like this post. Here goes, and may God speak to your heart about what you read ...
The Blind Leading The Blind
Oprah Winfrey doesn’t have the answers
Eckhart Tolle doesn’t have the answers
Stephen Hawking doesn’t have the answers
Rhonda Byrne doesn’t have the answers
If they did, then why do they still seek?
Why do they never find?
Why do they lack peace?
Books and magazines
“Today’s special guest”
Self-delusion makes a name
Mass-delusion makes a profit
And the masses follow
Blind and led by blind masters
Too busy to seek Truth
Seeking riches, seeking youth
So they accept the lies of others
Without question, without thought
Together they stumble
They wander ever closer
To a pit, The Pit
Truly, they have their reward
Their reward is near
Nothing eternal
They live for right here
Choosing the wide path
That leads to destruction
God is too inconvenient
Bad for their name
Bad for profit
So they keep up the game
Of delusion, denial
“Put Him out of your mind
He’s dead, He’s blind
As if I’ll stand before Him one day
The Bible’s a lie”
Or so they say
They may be here now
But what about tomorrow?
What about death?
What about you – Who do you choose??
Showing posts with label peace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label peace. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Friday, April 2, 2010
Not just another holiday
Okay, in the last post I deliberately kept things short and sweet, but I'll probably be back to my old ways this time around. I have some more thoughts about the significance of this Easter season that have recently struck me, and this time - as usual - I'll use my own words to express them.
I thought this morning about those people who will be working today, not those who basically had to, but those who really didn't need to but did so anyway. I wondered if any of them will take even a moment to wonder about the significance of this day, Good Friday. Is it to them some vague holiday like Victoria Day in Canada where no more than a handful of people actually know why it's a holiday? Will they even think about why some spiritual guy named Jesus died on a cross so long ago?
If they're anything like I used to be, I doubt it. They're probably thinking about this as nothing more than a great chance to make some holiday overtime pay. But I so wish that they - and any non-believer just enjoying a 'holiday' - could realize that this Jesus guy they've heard about had each and every one of them individually in mind when he held his tongue in the face of his accusers. I wish they could understand that Jesus voluntarily gave himself as a sacrifice for our well-being, and that his crucifixion was not some unexpected and tragic end to a promising young spiritual movement.
Jesus was born to die, he was born to pay the penalty of our offenses (sins) against God so that those who accept this gift of Jesus would not have to pay that penalty themselves after their earthly, bodily death. This has been God's plan since even before our ancestors Adam and Eve destroyed mankind's relationship with God long ago and introduced sin into our world.
Jesus as the one and only Son of the one and only God chose to give up his exalted position for a period of 33 years by living as one of us. He chose to be born in poor, filthy conditions to everyday people instead of people of power and prestige. He chose to live a humble existence in full dependence upon his Father who remained in Heaven, humbling himself to the point of death, even death on a cross (Philippians 2:8).
But why would he die for us? Who are we that he would die for us? How could he known those of us who weren't even born at the time? Suffice it to say that the Bible mentions how God knew each of us before the foundation of time, and that he numbered the hairs on each of our heads. It also mentions in various parts of the New Testament Gospel letters how Jesus and God the Father are one in essence and nature, so therefore what God knows, Jesus knows.
Each and every one of us is so infinitely precious and important to him that sadly only a tiny portion of humanity - only those who've accepted the gift of salvation that Jesus offers, i.e. Christians - will ever have some idea of this before they meet God face-to-face in order to give an account of their lives to him on the appointed day.
God is independent of time. He existed before it was even created, and thus time does not control him like it controls his creation. Thus he, being all-knowing and in all control of everything, knew about the very second and the very circumstances of everything to do with when each and every one of us would be born. He knew whether he was going to give us to rich or poor parents, loving or abusive parents, or to biological or foster or adoptive parents, and whether we would be born in a time of peace or a time of war. And he did each of these things not because he was showing favoritism to some or being cruel to others, but for his own good purposes (not necessarily ours!) that we will only fully understand once we all - believer and non - meet him face-to-face - the great inevitability of human existence.
Some of you might have shaken your fist at God about your lot in life ever since you were old enough to do so. You curse the day you were born and how a God of "love" could have been so cruel as to let you suffer so much - let alone be born - in the first place.
Yet I have heard more than a few stories of people - and met some - who suffered unspeakable horrors, sometimes for decades on end, but eventually realized the hand of God's protection and provision and comfort during those times. They decided to no longer shake the fist, realizing that they would have been even worse off if he hadn't been with them during those times!
They realized those times were not so much for building character as for them to realize their desperate need of God in their lives. So they opened their hearts to allow God to work in their lives, which inevitably lead them to a knowledge of what Jesus' life, death, and resurrection were really all about. Then they learned about how accepting Jesus into their lives was going to set them free spiritually in this life and beyond even though they might remain in bondage in the here and now: physical, financial, abusive, etc.
And these things are what God wants you to realize at this special time of year, this Easter season. He wants you to realize that your life and circumstances are not a mistake, but that they are meant to show your weaknesses in order that you allow him to make you strong. He wants you to realize that in your own strength you will eventually break or fail, if not on this side of eternity then on the Day of Judgment when you have to explain your life to this Creator of yours that you spent so much time and energy trying to avoid and/or deny down on Earth.
Will you finally accept that the whole plan of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus in order for you to be set free was done with you in mind? That this plan wasn't reserved for those who show up in church on most Sundays, or give to a church, or belong to a denomination or religion, or live good, moral lives? That this plan wasn't reserved for those who seem as though they have it all together or all figured out? This plan was intended for those who realize they need the forgiveness and healing that only God through Jesus Christ alone - and no other person or religious system or amount of money - can offer (read Luke 5:30-32).
This is not only the message of this Easter season, but it's been the message of the Gospel for over two-thousand years, the good news about Jesus Christ and what he has done for you already and what he will do for you if you would simply ask for his forgiveness and then let him into your life.
I thought this morning about those people who will be working today, not those who basically had to, but those who really didn't need to but did so anyway. I wondered if any of them will take even a moment to wonder about the significance of this day, Good Friday. Is it to them some vague holiday like Victoria Day in Canada where no more than a handful of people actually know why it's a holiday? Will they even think about why some spiritual guy named Jesus died on a cross so long ago?
If they're anything like I used to be, I doubt it. They're probably thinking about this as nothing more than a great chance to make some holiday overtime pay. But I so wish that they - and any non-believer just enjoying a 'holiday' - could realize that this Jesus guy they've heard about had each and every one of them individually in mind when he held his tongue in the face of his accusers. I wish they could understand that Jesus voluntarily gave himself as a sacrifice for our well-being, and that his crucifixion was not some unexpected and tragic end to a promising young spiritual movement.
Jesus was born to die, he was born to pay the penalty of our offenses (sins) against God so that those who accept this gift of Jesus would not have to pay that penalty themselves after their earthly, bodily death. This has been God's plan since even before our ancestors Adam and Eve destroyed mankind's relationship with God long ago and introduced sin into our world.
Jesus as the one and only Son of the one and only God chose to give up his exalted position for a period of 33 years by living as one of us. He chose to be born in poor, filthy conditions to everyday people instead of people of power and prestige. He chose to live a humble existence in full dependence upon his Father who remained in Heaven, humbling himself to the point of death, even death on a cross (Philippians 2:8).
But why would he die for us? Who are we that he would die for us? How could he known those of us who weren't even born at the time? Suffice it to say that the Bible mentions how God knew each of us before the foundation of time, and that he numbered the hairs on each of our heads. It also mentions in various parts of the New Testament Gospel letters how Jesus and God the Father are one in essence and nature, so therefore what God knows, Jesus knows.
Each and every one of us is so infinitely precious and important to him that sadly only a tiny portion of humanity - only those who've accepted the gift of salvation that Jesus offers, i.e. Christians - will ever have some idea of this before they meet God face-to-face in order to give an account of their lives to him on the appointed day.
God is independent of time. He existed before it was even created, and thus time does not control him like it controls his creation. Thus he, being all-knowing and in all control of everything, knew about the very second and the very circumstances of everything to do with when each and every one of us would be born. He knew whether he was going to give us to rich or poor parents, loving or abusive parents, or to biological or foster or adoptive parents, and whether we would be born in a time of peace or a time of war. And he did each of these things not because he was showing favoritism to some or being cruel to others, but for his own good purposes (not necessarily ours!) that we will only fully understand once we all - believer and non - meet him face-to-face - the great inevitability of human existence.
Some of you might have shaken your fist at God about your lot in life ever since you were old enough to do so. You curse the day you were born and how a God of "love" could have been so cruel as to let you suffer so much - let alone be born - in the first place.
Yet I have heard more than a few stories of people - and met some - who suffered unspeakable horrors, sometimes for decades on end, but eventually realized the hand of God's protection and provision and comfort during those times. They decided to no longer shake the fist, realizing that they would have been even worse off if he hadn't been with them during those times!
They realized those times were not so much for building character as for them to realize their desperate need of God in their lives. So they opened their hearts to allow God to work in their lives, which inevitably lead them to a knowledge of what Jesus' life, death, and resurrection were really all about. Then they learned about how accepting Jesus into their lives was going to set them free spiritually in this life and beyond even though they might remain in bondage in the here and now: physical, financial, abusive, etc.
And these things are what God wants you to realize at this special time of year, this Easter season. He wants you to realize that your life and circumstances are not a mistake, but that they are meant to show your weaknesses in order that you allow him to make you strong. He wants you to realize that in your own strength you will eventually break or fail, if not on this side of eternity then on the Day of Judgment when you have to explain your life to this Creator of yours that you spent so much time and energy trying to avoid and/or deny down on Earth.
Will you finally accept that the whole plan of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus in order for you to be set free was done with you in mind? That this plan wasn't reserved for those who show up in church on most Sundays, or give to a church, or belong to a denomination or religion, or live good, moral lives? That this plan wasn't reserved for those who seem as though they have it all together or all figured out? This plan was intended for those who realize they need the forgiveness and healing that only God through Jesus Christ alone - and no other person or religious system or amount of money - can offer (read Luke 5:30-32).
This is not only the message of this Easter season, but it's been the message of the Gospel for over two-thousand years, the good news about Jesus Christ and what he has done for you already and what he will do for you if you would simply ask for his forgiveness and then let him into your life.
Friday, August 28, 2009
"Absolute futility"
My family recently spent a couple of days in a small city famous (or infamous, depending upon your perspective) for its acceptance and promotion of New Age philosophies. Stores and shops abound that cater to books, clothing, counseling services, and so forth that reflect and promote these philosophies. Several of the citizens also have the modern-day "hippie" appearance that is often associated with the New Age lifestyle.
Being the deep thinker that I am, I was struck by the profound thought at one point about how these folks, just like me, are seeking answers through spiritual means. However, unlike me, they are looking to every form of spirituality apart from that set out in the Bible. (As an aside, New Agers that do look to the Bible minimize Jesus to the status of prophet or 'wise teacher' as opposed to the one and only representative of God in the flesh - and one and only mediator between God and mankind - that the same Bible describes Jesus as.)
With this thought in mind, I looked around and wondered how their spiritual quest was working for them. What I saw is the same thing I see everywhere else: people who were no closer to finding answers than those not seeking spiritual answers. If they were finding answers, there wouldn't be the diversity of paraphernalia and services that the New Age movement provides to its followers. Instead of a multitude of books on eastern religions and philosophies, there would be only one source like the Bible is for believers in the one true God. It seems instead that New Agers have no one source for answers, which makes their quest nothing more than a crap-shoot of try-this and try-that until a person finds what 'works best for them', even though most answers are never found and any feelings of peace and fulfillment last only for a time.
And the saddest part is that no god or gods or philosophy they choose to follow apart from the God of the Bible can usher them into an eternal existence after this one of bliss and oneness with their Creator that most of these folks seem to be longing for.
Some people might argue that if Christianity and the Bible alone provided all the answers, there wouldn't be the enormous diversity of denominations, books, and ministries devoted to providing answers to its followers and followers-to-be. But any of these things that are truly Christian have as their foundation the one source - the Bible - that is able to allow them to provide answers. They simply seek to break down and explain the teachings of the Bible in ways that an enormous diversity of personalities can try to understand.
As I watched people go about their daily life in this city, I thought of the opening passage of the book of Ecclesiastes, authored by a man perhaps never excelled in wisdom and wealth by anyone else in history. Most Biblical translations from the original Hebrew and Aramaic into English use the word "vanity" in verse 2 of Chapter 1 as follows:
Jesus, however, invites everyone (drug-free or not, virgin or not, criminal or not, rape victim or not) to
So I guess to avoid futility, you need to choose who or what you will believe and serve. Will you ignore or reject the God of the Bible and live in futility, never truly finding what you're looking for, or will you accept this God and find answers and lasting peace? Obviously, the choice is yours since God is not a tyrant but a gentlemen who doesn't force Himself on anyone.
Being the deep thinker that I am, I was struck by the profound thought at one point about how these folks, just like me, are seeking answers through spiritual means. However, unlike me, they are looking to every form of spirituality apart from that set out in the Bible. (As an aside, New Agers that do look to the Bible minimize Jesus to the status of prophet or 'wise teacher' as opposed to the one and only representative of God in the flesh - and one and only mediator between God and mankind - that the same Bible describes Jesus as.)
With this thought in mind, I looked around and wondered how their spiritual quest was working for them. What I saw is the same thing I see everywhere else: people who were no closer to finding answers than those not seeking spiritual answers. If they were finding answers, there wouldn't be the diversity of paraphernalia and services that the New Age movement provides to its followers. Instead of a multitude of books on eastern religions and philosophies, there would be only one source like the Bible is for believers in the one true God. It seems instead that New Agers have no one source for answers, which makes their quest nothing more than a crap-shoot of try-this and try-that until a person finds what 'works best for them', even though most answers are never found and any feelings of peace and fulfillment last only for a time.
And the saddest part is that no god or gods or philosophy they choose to follow apart from the God of the Bible can usher them into an eternal existence after this one of bliss and oneness with their Creator that most of these folks seem to be longing for.
Some people might argue that if Christianity and the Bible alone provided all the answers, there wouldn't be the enormous diversity of denominations, books, and ministries devoted to providing answers to its followers and followers-to-be. But any of these things that are truly Christian have as their foundation the one source - the Bible - that is able to allow them to provide answers. They simply seek to break down and explain the teachings of the Bible in ways that an enormous diversity of personalities can try to understand.
As I watched people go about their daily life in this city, I thought of the opening passage of the book of Ecclesiastes, authored by a man perhaps never excelled in wisdom and wealth by anyone else in history. Most Biblical translations from the original Hebrew and Aramaic into English use the word "vanity" in verse 2 of Chapter 1 as follows:
"Vanity of vanities," says the Preacher; Vanity of vanities, all is vanity." (NKJV, New King James Version)However, a newer translation that claims to have benefitted from more recent advances in translational accuracy renders this verse in a more interesting way:
"Absolute futility," says the Teacher. "Absolute futility. Everything is futile." (HCSB, Holman Christian Standard Bible)In other words, as I watched those citizens of this city who hold to the New Age philosophy, I thought of their absolute futility, the total pointlessness of their trying to seek spiritual answers outside of those provided in the Bible. I could just tell by their behaviors and the looks on their faces that they 'still hadn't found what they were looking for.' I knew this because they were just like me many years ago, although I was agnostic and proud of it, seeking answers and never finding them - or at least the right ones - and going through the turmoil and depression that characterizes those who seek but never find. Even though they tried to hide it, again I could see it on their faces and by how they behaved.
Jesus, however, invites everyone (drug-free or not, virgin or not, criminal or not, rape victim or not) to
"Keep asking, and it will be given to you. Keep searching, and you will find. Keep knocking, and the door will be opened to you ... If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" (Matthew 7:7, 11)It would seem to me that no other spiritual leader in history ever offered such a promise to anyone! This passage, when taken in context with the surrounding verses, seems to indicate that God is promising answers to those who ask Him, to those who
"... seek Him with all your heart and all your soul." (Deuteronomy 4:29)But Jesus makes it clear that He is the only means - the only mediator - through which we are supposed to come to God (see I Timothy 2:5), and not just to find answers:
"Everyone who drinks from this water [in the well] will get thirsty again. But whoever drinks from the water that I will give them will never get thirsty again - ever! In fact, the water I will give him will become a well of water springing up within him for eternal life." (John 4:13-14)Again, taken in context, this passage not only indicates that Jesus will provide answers, but also peace and satisfaction and the ultimate: eternal life. He alone provides the "nirvana" sought by Hindus and Buddhists that they will never find. He alone provides the "paradise" sought by pleasure-seekers that they also will never find.
So I guess to avoid futility, you need to choose who or what you will believe and serve. Will you ignore or reject the God of the Bible and live in futility, never truly finding what you're looking for, or will you accept this God and find answers and lasting peace? Obviously, the choice is yours since God is not a tyrant but a gentlemen who doesn't force Himself on anyone.
"As for me and my family, we will worship the Lord." (Joshua 24:15)
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Why don't people believe? Part I
There are many reasons why people don't believe in God, specifically in Jesus (who claimed to be the Son of God and the only mediator between man and God, or the only "way" for us to come to God).
One huge reason why people don't believe in God (or Jesus) is addressed by Jesus Himself while answering the inquiries of a man named Nicodemus, one of the top religious leaders of His day who came secretly to visit Jesus one night:
Before I wanted anything to do with God, I completely ignored anything to do with God. This is because I knew that if God did exist, then I for sure was doing things He didn't like and I didn't want to face His wrath and judgment. So I thought that ignoring God was the best way to deal with this. If there was a heaven and hell, I reasoned, I would try to explain to Him at the "Pearly Gates" all the good things I did while alive so that He might cut me some slack and let me live a peaceful eternity up there in heaven.
I didn't realize at the time that only the forgiveness of Jesus would get me there, not my pathetic attempts at being good! I also didn't realize that only perfection gets one into heaven, and that Jesus becomes our perfection for us - our representative before God - only once we ask Jesus to forgive us for all the things we've done to displease God (our "sins").
Besides not wanting to face God and be accountable to Him for what I did, I enjoyed the things I was doing: the pornography, the relationships with different women, swearing in ways that would make a trucker look like a saint, getting drunk, and so on. If I allowed God into my life, I reasoned, then I wouldn't be able to do any of these things and life wouldn't be "fun" any more. I even went so far as to assume that believing in God (which I wrongly equated to "being religious") would mean becoming and hanging-out with Ned Flanders-types around a campfire and singing Kumbuyah.
Basically, at that point in my life, I was fulfilling scripture, I was confirming and validating the words of the Bible. I loved darkness rather than the light because my deeds were evil. They weren't evil in terms of modern human standards, but they were evil in the eyes of a perfect God! I hated what God had to offer me through Jesus and therefore avoided it because I didn't want the things I did to have to be dealt with and changed. Only now can I look back on this mindset and realize how closed-minded and naive I was, forming stereotypes and assuming things about God that were not true.
But a funny thing happened while I was trying to avoid God and live life my way. I started reading some self-help books because I knew there were things wrong with my life, but I didn't know how else to go about changing them. I was unhappy and unsatisfied, and there was something missing that I couldn't find in all my pursuits because the pleasure was always so short-lived and empty feeling. There was no long-lasting peace or joy that came out of these things. So I decided that these books had the answer, and I started reading classics like "How to Win Friends and Influence People" because, for example, I thought more friends and success would give me the peace and joy I was missing.
As I got into more books, I remember one time reading one that mentioned the word "God" on the second page of the book. I was so enraged that this author was trying to bring God into the mix when all I wanted to learn about was success and wealth that I returned the book! If you've read this blog or just this post so far and think that I've always been a believer, I can assure you that few who have ever lived were more violently opposed to anyone trying to tell me about God than I was!
Anyhow, as I delved deeper into my self-help journey, I came to realize (with much resentment at first) that all success principles have their origin in the Bible. I was surprised by this because I thought the Bible was only about God's wrath and judgement, but here I was being exposed to a loving God that actually wants the best for us and wants us reconciled to Him so that we can have an eternal relationship with Him and not apart from Him in the "other place".
Over time, I began to open myself up more to God and what the Bible had to say. I began to think deeply about my assumptions about the origins of life, for example, and while looking at my hand and it's intricate musculo-skeletal motions began to wonder how something so complex and precise could have possibly arisen from blind, random evolutionary processes apart from a creative force like that of God. I thought about the human creative design poured into things like a watch or a camera, things far less complicated than the human hand, and realized that it was foolish to assume that the hand was not created by something far more powerful than the human mind.
But the kicker for me was the realization that I had to stop always assuming that the Bible was wrong or only half-true and instead realize that perhaps I was wrong. I did not want to take the chance of assuming that hell wasn’t real only to end up there someday. If I did, it would be a mistake that I would have to live with for an eternity with no way out. I did not want the Bible to prove me wrong after it was too late.
So what really happened after I finally broke down and decided to come to God through Jesus and ask to be forgiven for all the things that I had done to displease Him (my "sins")? Did my life suddenly fall apart as God said "Aha!!" and began to punish me for all the sexual immorality and drunkenness I had committed? Did I get the sudden urge to give away all of my possessions and move to the tropical rain-forest and preach the Gospel to a cannibalistic tribe while living a life of celibacy and self-denial?
Actually, much the opposite happened. I felt a sense of release and forgiveness and peace unlike anything I had ever experienced. I sensed a great love from God, not a feeling of guilt and condemnation. Whenever I went back to those habits that had caused those temporary feelings of happiness before, I instead felt a great sense of meaninglessness and emptiness and I would actually get depressed. But whenever I would pray or flip open the Bible - which actually made sense to me now that God's spirit (the Holy Spirit) was living inside of me, teaching me how to interpret the Bible - that sense of forgiveness and peace and love would return.
The neatest part to this story, however, is how God eventually replaced my old habits with new ones that give me far more satisfaction and happiness! I no longer feel the urge to engage in any of the sexual sins (marital sex is not a sin, by the way!) or the drunkenness that I used to want so much.
So this was a much longer version than I had anticipated about explaining why people don't believe, because I also wanted to explain what wonderful good can happen when a person decides to get over the objection or stumbling block to their disbelief. In other posts, I will discuss other major reasons why people don't believe in God.
One huge reason why people don't believe in God (or Jesus) is addressed by Jesus Himself while answering the inquiries of a man named Nicodemus, one of the top religious leaders of His day who came secretly to visit Jesus one night:
"Anyone who believes in Him [Jesus] is not condemned, but anyone who does not believe is already condemned, because he has not believed in the name of the One and Only Son of God [Jesus].When I first came upon this passage in the New Testament of the Bible, in the book of John chapter 3, versus 18-20 (John 3: 18-20) after I had decided to become a believer in Jesus Christ, it explained to me the main hang-up that I had had with God before I came to believe.
This, then, is the judgment: the light [good news, or "gospel" of Jesus] has come into the world, and people loved darkness rather than the light because their deeds were evil. For everyone who practices wicked things hates the light and avoids it, so that his deeds may not be exposed."
Before I wanted anything to do with God, I completely ignored anything to do with God. This is because I knew that if God did exist, then I for sure was doing things He didn't like and I didn't want to face His wrath and judgment. So I thought that ignoring God was the best way to deal with this. If there was a heaven and hell, I reasoned, I would try to explain to Him at the "Pearly Gates" all the good things I did while alive so that He might cut me some slack and let me live a peaceful eternity up there in heaven.
I didn't realize at the time that only the forgiveness of Jesus would get me there, not my pathetic attempts at being good! I also didn't realize that only perfection gets one into heaven, and that Jesus becomes our perfection for us - our representative before God - only once we ask Jesus to forgive us for all the things we've done to displease God (our "sins").
Besides not wanting to face God and be accountable to Him for what I did, I enjoyed the things I was doing: the pornography, the relationships with different women, swearing in ways that would make a trucker look like a saint, getting drunk, and so on. If I allowed God into my life, I reasoned, then I wouldn't be able to do any of these things and life wouldn't be "fun" any more. I even went so far as to assume that believing in God (which I wrongly equated to "being religious") would mean becoming and hanging-out with Ned Flanders-types around a campfire and singing Kumbuyah.
Basically, at that point in my life, I was fulfilling scripture, I was confirming and validating the words of the Bible. I loved darkness rather than the light because my deeds were evil. They weren't evil in terms of modern human standards, but they were evil in the eyes of a perfect God! I hated what God had to offer me through Jesus and therefore avoided it because I didn't want the things I did to have to be dealt with and changed. Only now can I look back on this mindset and realize how closed-minded and naive I was, forming stereotypes and assuming things about God that were not true.
But a funny thing happened while I was trying to avoid God and live life my way. I started reading some self-help books because I knew there were things wrong with my life, but I didn't know how else to go about changing them. I was unhappy and unsatisfied, and there was something missing that I couldn't find in all my pursuits because the pleasure was always so short-lived and empty feeling. There was no long-lasting peace or joy that came out of these things. So I decided that these books had the answer, and I started reading classics like "How to Win Friends and Influence People" because, for example, I thought more friends and success would give me the peace and joy I was missing.
As I got into more books, I remember one time reading one that mentioned the word "God" on the second page of the book. I was so enraged that this author was trying to bring God into the mix when all I wanted to learn about was success and wealth that I returned the book! If you've read this blog or just this post so far and think that I've always been a believer, I can assure you that few who have ever lived were more violently opposed to anyone trying to tell me about God than I was!
Anyhow, as I delved deeper into my self-help journey, I came to realize (with much resentment at first) that all success principles have their origin in the Bible. I was surprised by this because I thought the Bible was only about God's wrath and judgement, but here I was being exposed to a loving God that actually wants the best for us and wants us reconciled to Him so that we can have an eternal relationship with Him and not apart from Him in the "other place".
Over time, I began to open myself up more to God and what the Bible had to say. I began to think deeply about my assumptions about the origins of life, for example, and while looking at my hand and it's intricate musculo-skeletal motions began to wonder how something so complex and precise could have possibly arisen from blind, random evolutionary processes apart from a creative force like that of God. I thought about the human creative design poured into things like a watch or a camera, things far less complicated than the human hand, and realized that it was foolish to assume that the hand was not created by something far more powerful than the human mind.
But the kicker for me was the realization that I had to stop always assuming that the Bible was wrong or only half-true and instead realize that perhaps I was wrong. I did not want to take the chance of assuming that hell wasn’t real only to end up there someday. If I did, it would be a mistake that I would have to live with for an eternity with no way out. I did not want the Bible to prove me wrong after it was too late.
So what really happened after I finally broke down and decided to come to God through Jesus and ask to be forgiven for all the things that I had done to displease Him (my "sins")? Did my life suddenly fall apart as God said "Aha!!" and began to punish me for all the sexual immorality and drunkenness I had committed? Did I get the sudden urge to give away all of my possessions and move to the tropical rain-forest and preach the Gospel to a cannibalistic tribe while living a life of celibacy and self-denial?
Actually, much the opposite happened. I felt a sense of release and forgiveness and peace unlike anything I had ever experienced. I sensed a great love from God, not a feeling of guilt and condemnation. Whenever I went back to those habits that had caused those temporary feelings of happiness before, I instead felt a great sense of meaninglessness and emptiness and I would actually get depressed. But whenever I would pray or flip open the Bible - which actually made sense to me now that God's spirit (the Holy Spirit) was living inside of me, teaching me how to interpret the Bible - that sense of forgiveness and peace and love would return.
The neatest part to this story, however, is how God eventually replaced my old habits with new ones that give me far more satisfaction and happiness! I no longer feel the urge to engage in any of the sexual sins (marital sex is not a sin, by the way!) or the drunkenness that I used to want so much.
So this was a much longer version than I had anticipated about explaining why people don't believe, because I also wanted to explain what wonderful good can happen when a person decides to get over the objection or stumbling block to their disbelief. In other posts, I will discuss other major reasons why people don't believe in God.
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